Good work, Mary.
It feels like the “you” and “I” focus is a little confused. You can either make the focus on “you” (i.e. Dan) stronger, or change the whole intro to the first person – this usually doesn’t work with business blog posts, but in your case it should work.
This is how I’d make it more Dan-focused:
You gird your loins. You just told a colleague about your disease.
And you wonder what his response will be.
You’re prepared for one of two crappy reactions. Because that’s what you usually get.
First, is the well-intentioned spewage of happy horseshit. “They are making new discoveries every day! Keep positive, they’ll find a cure!!!!!!!” Chirpy voice, helpful smile.
They are trying to be upbeat. But, it bugs the crap out of you.
The second is a wide-eyed look that says, “Why in the hell are you telling me?” Silence. Abrupt change of subject.
You get the message: Never mention this again because I don’t know what to say to you.
Could you avoid these miserable reactions?
It is the rare bird who looks you square in the eyes and replies, “That blows – it really sucks to be you. I’ll keep that in mind the next time you say something totally weird. Let me know if you need me to do anything for you.”
Why can’t more people give you this ideal response? A simple acknowledgement of the fact, that it is horrible. An understanding of future screw-ups. And an offer of help if needed.
I’ve discovered three simple ways to get fewer crappy reactions, and more encouraging replies.
Want to hear them?
* * *
I can’t imitate your voice, so this is not exactly how you want to write it.
As I said, an alternative would be to write it completely in the first person, and change the title to “How I Avoid Happy Horseshit and Awkward Silences When I Disclose My Disease”.
Enchant readers. Woo customers. Win business.