Enchanting Courses

  • Home
  • About
  • Contact me
  • Forums
  • Student Login
  • Logout

by 

Reply To: Alissa Robson – Module 6

Home › Forums › Enchanting Business Blogging – Spring 2014 › Group A › Alissa Robson – Module 6 › Reply To: Alissa Robson – Module 6

May 21, 2014 at 9:11 pm #1115
Avatar
Henneke
Keymaster

Good start, Alissa.

A few editing suggestions:

There’s paperwork to keep track of. There’s finding hotels (and finding out they’re terrible). There’s the weeks of planning that need to happen before you can even get in the car.
=> Replace “there” by “you” to make it more personal: You have paperwork to keep track of. You have to find hotels. You need to plan for weeks before you can get into your car.

And of course, there’s that horrible moment every recruiter has had where you’re driving along, singing to the radio, planning your next event in your mind, and suddenly it hits you – you have absolutely no idea where you are. Oops.
=> This feels a little lost here – without connection to the previous or next paragraph.

We know. You love your job. You love life on the road. But some of the things that go along with it? You could live without.

Your time would be better spent putting the sparkling finish on the event you’re hosting than fretting over your collection of receipts and list of backup hotels.
=> When you turn the last sentence around, it follows the previous sentence easier. Plus you can eliminate the passive (be spent). E.g.: Fretting over receipts? Listing backup hotels? You’d rather spend your time putting a sparkling finish on the event you’re hosting.

There’s got to be something you can do. Some way to simplify the nit-picky details that steal your time and energy when you’re traveling. You just haven’t found it yet…or have you?
=> Another “there” you can eliminate: You should be able to simplify the nit-picky details that steal your time and energy when you’re traveling.

Love your word choice like nit-picky, stealing time, and fretting.


Enchant readers. Woo customers. Win business.

© 2014-2021  Enchanting Courses · All Rights Reserved