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Reply To: Alissa Robson – Module 6

Home › Forums › Enchanting Business Blogging – Spring 2014 › Group A › Alissa Robson – Module 6 › Reply To: Alissa Robson – Module 6

May 22, 2014 at 2:39 pm #1118
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Henneke
Keymaster

Yes, good analysis of the blog intro about Einstein (but they could have composed a better headline).

Your own edited intro is much much better (did I comment too quickly?). I like it! 🙂

What if you could do something to simplify the nit-picky details that steal your time and energy when you’re traveling?
=> You can slightly shorten this: What if you could simplify the nit-picky details that steal your time and energy when you’re traveling? [phrases like “do something” or “things” can almost always be deleted or replaced by a specific phrase]

The only other point is that your promise almost sounds too good to be true. In such a case, you might want to address this in your post, e.g. by adding:

Sounds too good to be true?

Allow me to explain…

* * *

Well done!


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