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Reply To: Mohammed Ali – Module 6

Home › Forums › Enchanting Business Blogging – Spring 2014 › Group A › Mohammed Ali – Module 6 › Reply To: Mohammed Ali – Module 6

June 1, 2014 at 6:43 pm #1153
Henneke
Keymaster

Great intro – and definitely an issue that many people struggle with. Is this something that bothers Fatima, too, or is it written for someone else?

A couple of minor commments:

No matter how hard you try to keep your inbox clean. The emails are back to haunt you.
=> The first sentence doesn’t quite work as a fragment. Try to merge the two sentences together or make the first sentence a full sentence, e.g. No matter how hard you try, you can’t keep your inbox clean. Emails always come back to haunt you.

The worst part is, there are mission critical emails that need your attention.
=> This can be slightly tightened: The worst part is, some mission critical emails need your attention.

You’re also worried that if you don’t clean your inbox today. Tomorrow you’ll have a larger inbox to deal with
=> I feel you can go a little more emotional here to empathize with your reader. For instance:
And if you don’t clean your inbox today, then tomorrow you’ll have an even larger inbox to deal with. Does it feel like an impossible task? Do you feel frustrated? Or down? Or infuriated by an inbox overflowing with emails?

You might I’m going to ask you to put in several hours to keep your inbox clean!
=> “I’m going to” can almost always be shortened to I’ll. Or in this case you can even delete it:
Do you fear you might need several hours a day to keep your inbox clean?

Excellent work this week. And nicely on schedule to start module 7!


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