Excellent work on the warming up exercise!
Your revised paragraph is better, but you can improve it further. A few suggestions:
Different medicinal herbs have active compounds which help relax or invigorate the nervous system.
=> This sounds like a description I’d read on a label or a medical text book. 🙂 Can you mention specific examples? E.g. When Tom started to drink Camomile tea, his mother found that…. When his mother placed lavender next to John’s bed, he slept much better.
When a trained practitioner prescribes them, they rarely cause side effects, so they are safe to use.
=> You can make this stronger by letting the reader conclude that they’re safe, e.g.: Trained practitioners prescribe them because they rarely cause side effects. [the reader now thinks, ah, they must be safe] And because they help autistic children lead a more fulfilling life. [if you like to you can confirm the safety message at the end by adding something like: “Herbs are safe”]
Unlike many conventional drugs, their action is gentle and gradual. They’re not harsh sedatives that turn whoever takes them to a zombie.
I agree that this sounds a little harsh, but comparing herbs with conventional drugs is a good idea because it adds specificity. Can you explain in simple terms how conventional drugs and herbs are different?
I wrote this sentence (“herbal medicine is safe and effective”) a lot in my website copy, and I always felt it’s too vague and unconvincing.
Yes, I agree. Watch out for the word “effective” as it’s rather generic–you can almost always find a better way to phrase what effectiveness is about. What does it mean?
Enchant readers. Woo customers. Win business.