Good work, Pnina. This blog post has improved so much since I first read it!
A few suggestions:
You can further strengthen the “why”. For instance:
seeing the thread that connects them and gives them meaning.
=> What’s the benefit of this? E.g. does it help to understand your child’s behavior more, so you can help him to be happier and lead a more fulfilled life?
those references bring it even closer to us.
=> So what? Try to go one level deeper, e.g. “comforting us”
Be careful with starting your sentences with “there”. (or perhaps this is irrelevant in Hebrew?)
There are many ways to tell a story.
=> You can tell a story in many different ways. [the problem with “there” is that it’s unspecific. Your reader has to figure out what it means unless it’s a direct reference to a place mentioned in the previous sentence.]
Consider carefully which details are relevant for the message you want to tell:
How would you tell your story?
Would you start before the diagnosis and take it from there, chronologically? Or would you choose to describe your journey differently?
Rupert Isaacson chose to tell the story chronologically- from the beginning onward. Nothing acts better to describe a journey.
But Tom Fields-Meyer chose to tell it differently.
This is where the text becomes a little boring. You could simply state: Ruper Isaacson tells his travel story chronologically, but Tom Fields-Meyer chose a different approach.
You also may want to have another look at your subheadings. Do you think they appeal to Sharon and urge her to stop scanning and start reading?
Writing a book review is tough, but you’re doing well! 🙂
Good luck with your journal article!
Enchant readers. Woo customers. Win business.