Yes, you’re doing it right. Excellent job on the warming up exercise. I especially like the first child trying to keep her eyes open while watching a movie. Very vivid.
It’s summer. The office is a ghost town. You’re taking extended lunches on the patio and are already packing for your week-long vacation at the beach.
=> When you add specifics, be careful that you don’t mix too many scenes. You’re talking about the office, so I assume the lunches are also on the patio at the office. But then you start talking about packing for your week-long vacation. This confuses me as you don’t pack for your vacation while at the office. You can solve this by referring to writing down your packing list while gobbling up your sandwich, or refer to dreaming about your upcoming holiday or something like that.
But have you done your website audit yet?
=> Be careful that you don’t start to sound too much like a schoolmistress. Try empathizing a little more with your reader. For instance:
This is the time to enjoy life at work. And you don’t want to think about the tricky jobs like a website audit, don’t you? We all find audits boring.
But what will happen with the New Application Cycle? Will students trip over broken links? Stumble on outdated documents? Or fall victim to an app’s faulty codes?
Auditing your website is not as daunting as you might think. When you treat it like planning a beach vacation, you might even find it’s fun.
Sound ridiculous?
Let me show you.
The last thing you want is for them to trip over broken links, stumble on outdated documents or fall victim to a neglected app’s faulty code.
=> Great! Love these specifics. And good use of words like tripping & stumbling.
Enchant readers. Woo customers. Win business.