Great job. I like it.
The only changes I’m not sure about are these two:
Changed this: The restaurant was in a trendy spot in the theater district that served dinner until 9 and turned into a club after that.
To this: The restaurant was in a trendy spot in the theater district. We served dinner til 9. After that, it turned into a club.Changed this: The place was constantly packed and the clientele was demanding.
To this: The place was constantly packed. The clientele demanding.
With these short sentences, you put a lot of emphasis on each point. My feeling is that it doesn’t really matter if a reader gets the general idea here without paying attention to each word.
Enchant readers. Woo customers. Win business.