Good job, Jonas. And you’re earning brownie points for perseverance 🙂
My first question would be – who you’re writing for, as it doesn’t sound like a post written for Dan? (He’s not a content marketer?)
You can tighten a little more:
Do you wish you were Tony Stark
(or the female version, if you’re a gal)?
It’s obvious that if you’re a girl, you’d be the female version. This is a comment that slows your reader down without adding value.
Maybe you ARE like this. If so, you may not need to read this post (although you may get a kick out of it).
This is a sentence that is irrelevant because if people are like Tony Stark, they’ve not made it this far in your post. For those people would like to be like Tony Stark, you make them feel insecure. (This comment is more about flow rather than tightening your sentences which we’ll get to later)
But if you’re a little
on the introverted side
This a statement you could turn into a question to keep engaging your reader.
’ll be miss ing out on the gifts [of] extroversion brings
just resign to your introversion
I, as well as most copywriters I know, have introverted tendencies
(very important term – tendencies).
Or if you don’t want to delete this, then at least delete “very”. 🙂
[Before this sentence you could also add a question to re-engage your reader who probably thinks that being introverted is a negative point rather than a positive point]
If you KNOW you’re TENDENCIES (labels are entrapping, tendencies are fluid and workable) lean towards introversion, you can work to become consciously extroverted in social settings to enjoy your fellow humans more (part of living a great life – if you’re into that kind of thing).
This sentence is too long.
When he’s in the public eye, he’s a high-rolling, Gucci-clad, womanizing braggart.
3 adjectives before a noun don’t work well. I’d go for: In the public eye, he’s a womanizing braggart. Gucci-clad and high-rolling.
I’m being super-critical here and you already said that you rushed a little 🙂
Enchant readers. Woo customers. Win business.