Good work. I don’t think 10.4 on average is too short. I’ve had a post with an average of 9 words per sentence. The best way to find out, is read the post aloud (or ask someone else to read it) and see whether you like the overall tone.
This is your passive sentence: You are allowed to do that.
You could simply say: Of course, you can do that.
A few more ideas:
Running a contest or sweepstakes is a great way to reach more people for your company.
You can attract fans and collect email addresses.
I’d assume this is something that Tom knows, so you might “insult” him a little by stating the obvious and he might not be interested to read on. We’ll talk more about opening paragraphs in a couple of weeks, but an obvious statement like this would be a good one to turn into a question:
You know that running a contest or sweepstake is a great way to reach more people, don’t you? And you love to attract fans and collect email addresses?
But it can occasionally happen, that your sweepstakes or contest attracts the wrong people. Who will never buy.
This is the pain point you’re addressing, so when you get to sensory words, you can add some here:
But you may find that your sweepstakes or contest attracts the wrong people. Who will never buy. And that’s frustrating. Or even infuriating.
Here is how.
You could also change this in a question:
Enchant readers. Woo customers. Win business.