I like your second headline best, but I’d go for the present tense:
Are You Making These 9 Cheesy Mistakes on Your About Page?
Do These 9 Common Mistakes Make Your About Page Cheesy?
The headline hacks are great, aren’t they? I don’t think it’s possible to put a better collection together. That’s why I decided to just refer to it.
Enchant readers. Woo customers. Win business.