Yep, great points. Here’s the edited version…
(Short first sentence)
Something isn’t right…
(Paint a scene)
You’ve spent hours of valuable time writing your sales page. You’ve poured over copywriting books… You’ve scoured copywriting blogs into the wee hours of the night until your eyes bled.
You’ve even taken a copywriting course (ouch.. that wasn’t cheap).
You were sure this sales page was gonna crush it.
You opened with that promise… painted that groovy looking picture of success… tied your product in… threw in oodles of proof and testimonials.
But when you look at your analytics, you see a flat line. Not the hockey stick you expected.
(Empathy)
Trust me, you’re not the only one. Writing sales copy that converts is hard.
(Reassurance)
You did the right thing by following the copywriting rules you learned.
(Promise)
But what if I told you there’s one thing most of those courses, books and blog posts leave out?
It’s not difficult or complex. As a matter of fact, it’s second nature. Once you know what it is, you can put it to use immediately and increase conversion tenfold.
It’s something that only one person in the whole wide world can do.
(Transition to main body)
That person is you…