Tuesday Homework
I tweaked my blog a bit and it is below. Here are the stats:
Words per Sentence 12.2
Passive Sentences 0%
Flesch Reading Ease 69.2
Flesch-Kincaid Reading Level 6.6
Because this is a new blog I’m not sure if this is the way to start, but here goes.
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This is how the derailing of my life went down – and the ramifications will be enormous.
Imagine you are applying for long-term health insurance (as I was). You’re 55 and suffer from a handful of the horrors of aging. You understand from watching your parents that you won’t spontaneously combust one day and die on the spot. Rather, you will suffer through a protracted period of frailty and your family will treat you like a village idiot. You want to spare your family from at least the medical costs.
A nurse from the insurance company calls to administer you “a simple memory test” as part of the application. Even though the tester can’t see you, you don’t cheat and write anything on paper because you are a stalwart citizen.
Using an ominous tone she instructs you to remember the following six numbers “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.” Twelve seconds later she asks you to repeat them in order.
Oh shit. What are those damn numbers? “97, errr, 123, ummmmmm, 49 and I can’t remember the rest.” Coverage denied.
You have “senior moments,” right? Well, that’s what I thought it was. When I can’t remember where I parked my car in a lot with two spots, I suspect there might be something more afoot.
I made an appointment with a neurologist who listened patiently for about three seconds. Then I note a thought bubble over his head that reads “menopausal woman – ignore everything she is saying and maybe she’ll leave soon.” He all but calls me “dearie.”
The neurologist ordered a CT scan and an MRI of my brain. It is clear he is placating me. And he wants me out of his office so he can see someone with a “real” problem.
Two days later, the neurologist called me and breathlessly blurted out “Holy crap! You have a gigantic calcium deposit in your brain. I think you might have Fahr’s disease. This is waaay out of my league,” he said in awe, “so I’m going to send you to a university hospital.”
The impish part of me wants to reply “So Dr. DiminishMe, what happened to hysterical menopausal woman?” I refrain because I’m not a bitter and spiteful woman. Well, most of the time.
I have to give him one thing. He brings to light something that otherwise I would not know about.
I run to my computer and Google Fahr’s disease. It has another name: Familial Idiopathic Basal Ganglia Calcification (FIBGC). This sounds so much more exotic. And who doesn’t like anything with “idiopathic” in it?
FIBGC is a rare, incurable disease that causes a shit ton of calcium deposits in the area of the brain that controls movement and cognitive functioning. The symptoms can be balance problems, dementia, psychosis, paralysis, and a host of other displeasing things.
Well, that sucks wouldn’t you agree? A friend of mine sums it up quite nicely: “That don’t be pretty.” (He is in a David Sedaris kind of mood).
And thus begins my rocky, rollicking journey through the medical world, depression, and finally, a sort of détente with the disease.