I really liked personalizing the different scenarios of people (Jim, Steve, etc.).
Yes, me too 🙂
I have a lot of short sentences in my post, based on the editing I did yesterday, so I didn’t want to add to many more for fear of overkill.
I agree with this, too. I especially like your “Yuck”. I also like the first line you tweaked.
Old: But that’s what we’re here for. We’re here for Steve, Joanne, Jim and everyone else out there who needs it to be easier to apply to college.
New: But that’s what we’re here for. We’re here for Steve. We’re here for Joanne. And we’re here for everyone else out there who needs it to be easier to apply to college.
I prefer the old version here, because it stresses the different people. In the new version, “We’re here” is repeated too often – repeating the same phrase four times to add stress hardly ever works. 3 times is fine, but 4 times quickly gets too much. An alternative could be:
But that’s what we’re here for. We’re here for Steve, Joanne, and for Jim. And we’re here for everyone else who needs it to be easier to apply to college.
Good work, Alissa.
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