Home › Forums › Enchanting Business Blogging – Spring 2014 › Group A › Mary – Module 3 › Reply To: Mary – Module 3
May 2, 2014 at 5:33 pm
#970
Keymaster
I love it, Mary.
One small comment:”If” often provides an opportunity to introduce a question and make your sentence a little more engaging:
If you have a disease, or someone you love (or even vaguely like) does, my hope is that you can find commonality in my words.
=> Do you have a disease? Or does someone you love suffer from a life threatening illness? I hope you can find commonality in my words.
You may also want to choose another word than “commonality”. It feels a little out of place – perhaps a little abstract.
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